13-11-1987
These three prime numbers make my birthday.
It was my birthday today.As soon as the clock struck 12 , my friends and family started to wish me.
I was elated as I did not expect that so many ppl will wish me. It always feels good to know that your friends remember your birthday and they care to wish you.
I thanked them all and later I made sure to note their birthdays so that I wont forget to wish them back when it is their turn.
But of all the wishes, two wishes appealed to me the most. 1 by my sister and 1 by my friend NiKa.They both told me to go visit a temple nearby and pray for my well being for the year ahead and thank God for all that I had.I would have never thought of doing this for my birthday, but thanks to them. And thanks to me as well, that I listened to their advice.
I woke up late than normal as I was awake till late the last night. By 3'o clock I had the lunch. Then I decided to visit a temple nearby. I searched for sometime here and there but I had never seen a temple in Antop Hill and it was a tough thing for me. It was like finding water in a long barren desert.
Thought I should better go to Wadala Ram mandir, the nearest temple from my house. Just when I was about to fix this plan of Ram Mandir,I saw a road where no-one would go. I dared to go in. Then I saw about a hundred of stairs going up, which were leading up to a hill. Now I knew why this place was called Antop Hill. I was actually climbing up the Antop Hill. ( I doubt not many ppl know about this hill . I slightly had the same feeling which Columbus might have had when he discovered America. )
And at the tip of the hill, I saw a temple . It was very high. When I entered the silence zone, I heard the ting ting of the bells and kow kow of the birds. Otherwise it was absolutely silence there. I could feel the cool winds touching my body. It was an awesome feeling , to say the least.
I did the Darshan and all , asked God to take care of me and my family, asked him for a girl friend ( at least 1 ) and pleaded him to forgive me of all my sins.
Sister had said to take some sweets while going to the temple and give it to the poor ppl or beggars there.
But somehow I forgot.
Well about Nika, She's a management student , very funny and entertaining. And above all, my best friend. Someone who really cares for me.
Anyways, as soon as I finished my demands with God, I sat near a Baba's samadhi. I was wearing sandals. The sweeper there asked me to remove the sandals outside. He was an ardent Baba fan. He told me that the day his Baba took samadhi, the whole mumbai had drowned in the Tsunami waters. I dont know how far this is true but I sort of believed in him. he looked to me a good person.
And one thing I must admit is that I realized enormous peace while sitting there.
Cool Breeze touching you in the hot and humid afternoon.
Birds coming to give you some company in their breaks.I went to touch them a couple of times, but they must have thought that I am a bad man and will fry them for dinner. Partly because I did not shave that day , making me look like a bad boy. So they fled away everytime I went near them.
There was nobody to disturb, nobody to see what I was doing there, nobody complaining, nobody asking me the status of calls and SIP's . I was all myself. It was all peace.
I realized that it was this moment that I longed for months in Mumbai and it was all coming true.
From the top of the hill, I could see the traffic, the slums , the crowd, the races. the dirt , the politics and much of the real world. I really felt that I should never go back again.
But the thing about time, good or bad, is that it changes.
And I had to go back to the materialistic world. Near the crazy , lazy and selfish ppl.
However, this incidence gave me a really important lesson .
Now I'll make sure that I'll go visit a place of such composure whenever I feel down, dejected , demorallised , desolate, and some more de'ssssss.
The places can be , I imagine, a silent beach ( not the crowded one ), a hill station nearby, a temple like this one where almost nobody goes , a park of something not known to many ppl, a forest or something, or even the office in a public holiday.
You'll definitely come across brilliant new ideas to fight against all the miseries of life.
To all my friends, thanks for bearing yet another of my worthless blog.
Who reads my Blog anyways,..... But writing it down , publicly, helps me....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Professional Life Sucks !!!
Hey guys I'm back with yet another blog after a long time.
Whenever I feel bad about something or I miss something, I prefer to add in my collection of blogs,its my newly discovered pastime.
The next few paras will focus on my bad day ( like millions of freshers in this planet ) and it will revolve around a lot of negativity. Anybody looking for some happy writings , I would suggest to not go through this blog as it can only frustrate you.Only those ppl should read who are frustrated with all the frustrations in life. ( Who reads my blog anyways !!! )
For people who are new to my blogs,I work in CG Mumbai and I'm a fresher with just above 7 months of experience.
As always , I came to office about 45 minutes late. When I entered my project, I made sure that my manager ( MR. K ) doesn't see me otherwise I would have to look for some excuse, which convinces him no more.And in the first place, I fall short of excuses.
But to my pleasant surprise, MR. K was busy in a P1 call and so he didn't notice me coming late. ( For non IT ppl, P1 call is that which has to be resolved within 4 hours. Even if your marriage is taking place at the very moment or your wife is giving birth to a baby or any ******g reason. )
I carried my momentum forward by solving 2 more calls one of which was going to breach within 2 hours.
I deserve some accolades for this but who cares !!!
That's it. The end of happy times. The misery starts for the day !!!
TL enters.
TL: Manoj, done with the checks ?
ME: Yes ( confidently )
TL: Where is the B&M file ?
ME: Right there where it should be. In Doof. (more confident this time )
TL: Open the Doof.
I opened it.
I saw the file.There it was. Happily I showed him the findings.
TL: Manoj,What is the date today ?
ME:10th
TL:See the calendar.
I was like...is he crazy ? He is asking to open calendar from my outlook just to confirm a date.
But I had to open it (as I want a good review from him).
I opened it and cross-checked the day with the date.
It was 11.
I was like ... WTF !!!
Mind you guys, this mistake is liable to throw you out of CG.
TL: Do you understand the impact of this ? You should have informed me about this and escalated this to SDM.Business suffers a great loss due to such stupidity. How can you be so reckless ?
( He showered some GYAAN upon me as to how well he works and how should I copy him. He made the best of every shot which he got, making me feel useless for CG and proving himself a GEM. I;m always at the receiving end and I'm good at it, used to it.)
Then comes MR. K.
Nice person btw. But he has power. He can make or break my future (or at least some part of my future).
I had to be extra cautious while answering him.
But when he threw his set of questions,I made the mess of everything as I was already frustrated with TL.
K kept on lecturing me for an hour or so, doing no good to my feelings. Just making me feel bad about me.About CG.
The last words by MR. K hurt me the most.
K: You don't understand the impact of this on your salary. In fact, management may just fire you.
I was in trauma. Just couldn't do any work now. Was about to cry.Like a baby does when you take away his/her/its lolly-pop. My mind was all engaged in getting thrown out of CG.
About 2 hours of GYAAN and hungry frogs jumping inside my tummy made me feel like leaving everything in this world and seating at the top of Himalaya or K2 and following the footsteps of the monk who sold his ferrari(after I buy a ferrari, of course) and enjoying the silence. The trees.The birds.The wind.That sort of spirituality.
Then a good thing happened. 1st for the day.
I got a call from my mom just when I was missing her the most.
She misses me a lot and always tells me to come back home and prepare for MBA,leaving aside the job.
I can feel she was crying when she talked with me. She tried her best to hide it though.
She was like...."if possible, see if you can come here for at least 2-3 days. Everybody's asking about you. And yes, Diwali's Tikka is also pending. In Rakhi also, we were not together.Why do you work for a company if you can't spare time for your family.MBA is good.Come here and prepare for it."
I think she was right. Every bit of what she told was true.
Except for leaving the job and doing MBA part.
She was right when she said that I have to take care of my family more than the company ( I mean the ppl inside the company ) who doesn't care for you.
I decided to go back home for 3 days.
I had to take leave for 1 day ,as for Sat and Sunday , we already have Holidays (Thanks to westernisation).
I had a comp-off ( which means I am eligible for a leave when I need ) and 8 Priviledge Leaves pending.
I just needed 1 to go back to my lovely family and share some great moments.
This 3 day break would be enough to survive for 3 months of frustrations in CG.
Having worked so hard for CG, these ppl should gift me a week holiday for free.(Yes, I'm really a very important resource for my project.).
But I failed to convince them for a single day holiday even when I had a comp-off pending.
I played every trick with them. I lied.Emotionally blackmailed them. But to no avail.
They had this reason ,"the peak is going on and we can't afford to get loose , especially when so much work is pending".
They were right when they said this.
But I'm also right as heck and I also have a family which depends on me, big time.
There are ppl who take leaves ,by lying to manager that they have fallen sick and need bed-rest.
Manager himself , goes on leave for so many days, even when his family is right there with him everyday.
My family is 800 kms away and when mom wishes to see me, why cant they approve a single day leave.
I felt really sad, more for mom, than for me.
But yes, its a part of life and we do have to respect the challenges life throws at us.
Instead of complaining about the system and the management,the smart move will be to fall sick and get the leave approved.Yes, I will lie now and enjoy a week long break.
To all my friends who are in such dilemma, or any other problem in life :
Its good to be honest and true and you gotta be.
But sometimes when you know ppl wont get you, you have to play smart.
Note :
1. No offence to TL and MR. K . They both are nice ppl and I understand they have their own set of problems.They also have pressure from management level.
2.Some events have been exaggerated to add effect.
Whenever I feel bad about something or I miss something, I prefer to add in my collection of blogs,its my newly discovered pastime.
The next few paras will focus on my bad day ( like millions of freshers in this planet ) and it will revolve around a lot of negativity. Anybody looking for some happy writings , I would suggest to not go through this blog as it can only frustrate you.Only those ppl should read who are frustrated with all the frustrations in life. ( Who reads my blog anyways !!! )
For people who are new to my blogs,I work in CG Mumbai and I'm a fresher with just above 7 months of experience.
As always , I came to office about 45 minutes late. When I entered my project, I made sure that my manager ( MR. K ) doesn't see me otherwise I would have to look for some excuse, which convinces him no more.And in the first place, I fall short of excuses.
But to my pleasant surprise, MR. K was busy in a P1 call and so he didn't notice me coming late. ( For non IT ppl, P1 call is that which has to be resolved within 4 hours. Even if your marriage is taking place at the very moment or your wife is giving birth to a baby or any ******g reason. )
I carried my momentum forward by solving 2 more calls one of which was going to breach within 2 hours.
I deserve some accolades for this but who cares !!!
That's it. The end of happy times. The misery starts for the day !!!
TL enters.
TL: Manoj, done with the checks ?
ME: Yes ( confidently )
TL: Where is the B&M file ?
ME: Right there where it should be. In Doof. (more confident this time )
TL: Open the Doof.
I opened it.
I saw the file.There it was. Happily I showed him the findings.
TL: Manoj,What is the date today ?
ME:10th
TL:See the calendar.
I was like...is he crazy ? He is asking to open calendar from my outlook just to confirm a date.
But I had to open it (as I want a good review from him).
I opened it and cross-checked the day with the date.
It was 11.
I was like ... WTF !!!
Mind you guys, this mistake is liable to throw you out of CG.
TL: Do you understand the impact of this ? You should have informed me about this and escalated this to SDM.Business suffers a great loss due to such stupidity. How can you be so reckless ?
( He showered some GYAAN upon me as to how well he works and how should I copy him. He made the best of every shot which he got, making me feel useless for CG and proving himself a GEM. I;m always at the receiving end and I'm good at it, used to it.)
Then comes MR. K.
Nice person btw. But he has power. He can make or break my future (or at least some part of my future).
I had to be extra cautious while answering him.
But when he threw his set of questions,I made the mess of everything as I was already frustrated with TL.
K kept on lecturing me for an hour or so, doing no good to my feelings. Just making me feel bad about me.About CG.
The last words by MR. K hurt me the most.
K: You don't understand the impact of this on your salary. In fact, management may just fire you.
I was in trauma. Just couldn't do any work now. Was about to cry.Like a baby does when you take away his/her/its lolly-pop. My mind was all engaged in getting thrown out of CG.
About 2 hours of GYAAN and hungry frogs jumping inside my tummy made me feel like leaving everything in this world and seating at the top of Himalaya or K2 and following the footsteps of the monk who sold his ferrari(after I buy a ferrari, of course) and enjoying the silence. The trees.The birds.The wind.That sort of spirituality.
Then a good thing happened. 1st for the day.
I got a call from my mom just when I was missing her the most.
She misses me a lot and always tells me to come back home and prepare for MBA,leaving aside the job.
I can feel she was crying when she talked with me. She tried her best to hide it though.
She was like...."if possible, see if you can come here for at least 2-3 days. Everybody's asking about you. And yes, Diwali's Tikka is also pending. In Rakhi also, we were not together.Why do you work for a company if you can't spare time for your family.MBA is good.Come here and prepare for it."
I think she was right. Every bit of what she told was true.
Except for leaving the job and doing MBA part.
She was right when she said that I have to take care of my family more than the company ( I mean the ppl inside the company ) who doesn't care for you.
I decided to go back home for 3 days.
I had to take leave for 1 day ,as for Sat and Sunday , we already have Holidays (Thanks to westernisation).
I had a comp-off ( which means I am eligible for a leave when I need ) and 8 Priviledge Leaves pending.
I just needed 1 to go back to my lovely family and share some great moments.
This 3 day break would be enough to survive for 3 months of frustrations in CG.
Having worked so hard for CG, these ppl should gift me a week holiday for free.(Yes, I'm really a very important resource for my project.).
But I failed to convince them for a single day holiday even when I had a comp-off pending.
I played every trick with them. I lied.Emotionally blackmailed them. But to no avail.
They had this reason ,"the peak is going on and we can't afford to get loose , especially when so much work is pending".
They were right when they said this.
But I'm also right as heck and I also have a family which depends on me, big time.
There are ppl who take leaves ,by lying to manager that they have fallen sick and need bed-rest.
Manager himself , goes on leave for so many days, even when his family is right there with him everyday.
My family is 800 kms away and when mom wishes to see me, why cant they approve a single day leave.
I felt really sad, more for mom, than for me.
But yes, its a part of life and we do have to respect the challenges life throws at us.
Instead of complaining about the system and the management,the smart move will be to fall sick and get the leave approved.Yes, I will lie now and enjoy a week long break.
To all my friends who are in such dilemma, or any other problem in life :
Its good to be honest and true and you gotta be.
But sometimes when you know ppl wont get you, you have to play smart.
Note :
1. No offence to TL and MR. K . They both are nice ppl and I understand they have their own set of problems.They also have pressure from management level.
2.Some events have been exaggerated to add effect.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
First Month as a Fresher
To Life and Love ..... Health and Friendship .....
26th August 2008...The day when I got placed in Capgemini.
29th March 2010...This is when I got joining.
The period in between was a recession period in which lots of experienced people were fired and so I was not sure if I will get to join CG or not.
My dilemma was getting stronger as months passed without even a confirmation mail from CG.
But finally,I got a call.........The call from CG.... After more than 18 months.Yes, the wait was over. And the count down began.
I was told to join CG within a week.
In that week, I had so many plans....Had to visit my friends, my teachers, some relatives.At the same time , I had to make sure that I spend enough time with my family.
It was a week, I can't forget....I can't forget how many times I cried...But I had to leave my home, my friends, my city. ( Yes, everything comes at a cost ).
29th March...My first day
It was a day when we were supposed to complete some basic formalities and fortunately, we were allocated a project in the same day.
That time, I had no contacts in CG except for my classmate in VJTI who was getting joining letter on the same day as mine....NP (apolpgies for not writing the full name,but I can't.)
When I came to M1 office in Vikroli inside Godrej campus, I came across so many new faces , except NP.
Very quickly,8 more people joined us and since then, we became a group of 10 buddies.
It was amazing feeling... Being with new people... Good people.... Sharing jokes....It was a time when I felt I'm actually humorous(I always felt I'm boring).Whatever I say,used to make my buddies laugh...There was another Joker in the group...PR...A born entertainer....I can't feel boring when he is around.
In this gang, there were 2 serious looking guys....1 rich dude....me ... NP... 2 more girls JK and AP...and 2 more guys.I can easily say that it was the happiest month in my life ( I mean life after my junior college ) .
3-4 people from our group used to catch a shuttle a 10.50 from Vikroli station.As soon as we reached office, everyday we used to go visit a place called GHAR( we named it this way as we spend a lot of initial time here ).Drinking cardamon tea and chatting countless things in ghar was a passion in my heart.
I didn't want to sit at my desk, but I had to...
But there also, we used to chat on Office Communicator...And we used to make the plans for the day on OC only.We used to chat anything... Even when we didn't have to say anything, we would just send smilies.
Being with friends was more important to us...After chatting for about 1 and a half hour ,we used to meet again for lunch... For lunch, we had a separate place .... where nobody would disturb us....we would laugh out loud and no 1 would hear us....Total freedom !!!
1 friend , JK , used to bring lunch for me everyday. Now I realize not all people are this much lucky.I felt important because she made me feel important.By bringing this for me everyday.
I could forget my ID but she couldn't forget my part in her tiffin.
We 10 people had to adjust in table of the capacity of 8 people.But it was never a problem.
We used to discuss our findings on CG intranet.PR and me used to enlight all with some PJ's.
Everybody had hundreds of things to share in 1 our lunch break.I was normally the last to finish my part. I just couldn't hold my attention out of the conversation that was happening.Also I used to keep thinking on some jokes that would fit the context.After lunch, a round around the campus.
After an hour or so,we would come back to the hotseat and start chatting....1 best part of the chat was the group conversation we used to make....My teammates used to sometimes doubt me when I laughed so much in our OC chat.We had nothing much to do in office and this group was all in my mind.After tp'ing for another hour or so, next we would pay a visit to ghar... It is a place where we are supposed to maintain silence...but we couldn't....Just couldn't control our emotions...
After 3-4 of such meets throughout the day, 3-4 of us would meet again in the shuttle for station.
A shuttle of 40 people used to have these 3-4 people shouting and the rest would just rest after their hectic day.I personally, used to feel really bad once we depart each day...Would just think about what would happen tomorrow.. Such was an excitement...(At least inside me).
After spending a memorable 1st month...It was a time for some bad things to happen....
Now I don't feel the same openness with these people ,these people now don't understand me(after my silly incident inside the group).
I really miss them all...................Won't write about all the bad things that took place...
Just 1 hope.... Things get back in place and I again feel important in our group.....
To Life and Love ..... Health and Friendship .....
26th August 2008...The day when I got placed in Capgemini.
29th March 2010...This is when I got joining.
The period in between was a recession period in which lots of experienced people were fired and so I was not sure if I will get to join CG or not.
My dilemma was getting stronger as months passed without even a confirmation mail from CG.
But finally,I got a call.........The call from CG.... After more than 18 months.Yes, the wait was over. And the count down began.
I was told to join CG within a week.
In that week, I had so many plans....Had to visit my friends, my teachers, some relatives.At the same time , I had to make sure that I spend enough time with my family.
It was a week, I can't forget....I can't forget how many times I cried...But I had to leave my home, my friends, my city. ( Yes, everything comes at a cost ).
29th March...My first day
It was a day when we were supposed to complete some basic formalities and fortunately, we were allocated a project in the same day.
That time, I had no contacts in CG except for my classmate in VJTI who was getting joining letter on the same day as mine....NP (apolpgies for not writing the full name,but I can't.)
When I came to M1 office in Vikroli inside Godrej campus, I came across so many new faces , except NP.
Very quickly,8 more people joined us and since then, we became a group of 10 buddies.
It was amazing feeling... Being with new people... Good people.... Sharing jokes....It was a time when I felt I'm actually humorous(I always felt I'm boring).Whatever I say,used to make my buddies laugh...There was another Joker in the group...PR...A born entertainer....I can't feel boring when he is around.
In this gang, there were 2 serious looking guys....1 rich dude....me ... NP... 2 more girls JK and AP...and 2 more guys.I can easily say that it was the happiest month in my life ( I mean life after my junior college ) .
3-4 people from our group used to catch a shuttle a 10.50 from Vikroli station.As soon as we reached office, everyday we used to go visit a place called GHAR( we named it this way as we spend a lot of initial time here ).Drinking cardamon tea and chatting countless things in ghar was a passion in my heart.
I didn't want to sit at my desk, but I had to...
But there also, we used to chat on Office Communicator...And we used to make the plans for the day on OC only.We used to chat anything... Even when we didn't have to say anything, we would just send smilies.
Being with friends was more important to us...After chatting for about 1 and a half hour ,we used to meet again for lunch... For lunch, we had a separate place .... where nobody would disturb us....we would laugh out loud and no 1 would hear us....Total freedom !!!
1 friend , JK , used to bring lunch for me everyday. Now I realize not all people are this much lucky.I felt important because she made me feel important.By bringing this for me everyday.
I could forget my ID but she couldn't forget my part in her tiffin.
We 10 people had to adjust in table of the capacity of 8 people.But it was never a problem.
We used to discuss our findings on CG intranet.PR and me used to enlight all with some PJ's.
Everybody had hundreds of things to share in 1 our lunch break.I was normally the last to finish my part. I just couldn't hold my attention out of the conversation that was happening.Also I used to keep thinking on some jokes that would fit the context.After lunch, a round around the campus.
After an hour or so,we would come back to the hotseat and start chatting....1 best part of the chat was the group conversation we used to make....My teammates used to sometimes doubt me when I laughed so much in our OC chat.We had nothing much to do in office and this group was all in my mind.After tp'ing for another hour or so, next we would pay a visit to ghar... It is a place where we are supposed to maintain silence...but we couldn't....Just couldn't control our emotions...
After 3-4 of such meets throughout the day, 3-4 of us would meet again in the shuttle for station.
A shuttle of 40 people used to have these 3-4 people shouting and the rest would just rest after their hectic day.I personally, used to feel really bad once we depart each day...Would just think about what would happen tomorrow.. Such was an excitement...(At least inside me).
After spending a memorable 1st month...It was a time for some bad things to happen....
Now I don't feel the same openness with these people ,these people now don't understand me(after my silly incident inside the group).
I really miss them all...................Won't write about all the bad things that took place...
Just 1 hope.... Things get back in place and I again feel important in our group.....
To Life and Love ..... Health and Friendship .....
Friday, November 5, 2010
My Day at Office !!! (And its my Routine)
I went to the office late as usual.
Had to sacrifice my lunch because I was already late for office by half an hour. A lunch at that time would make me late my 1 and a half hour.
Finally I came to my cubicle, my teammates could hear my heartbeats as I was practically running to reach office.
As soon as I switched on my PC,my Team Leader (so called TL as I believe he has no leadership skills) greeted me saying," Boss, aaj phir late ho gaye".
Anyway it doesn't hurt me anymore as I'm used to getting such teasings from teammates( Being a fresher . ).
I looked for excuses and just blurted out, train was late.
He became red as if he himself is paying to me and coming 30 minutes late would lose him some billions.
He bossed around for some minutes and loaded me with plenty of calls which he knew I wouldn't be able to solve.
After some 15 minutes, he went to canteen saying I need an update on this before I return.
I had plans to chat with 4 of my lovely friends on gmail but I had to sacrifice, as always.
I focussed some more on investigating the issues at hand so that I can get some relief from TL.
And I did find out a clue and I was like I have climbed up the K2.
I presented my findings as soon as he returned.hoping my good time will start soon.
But (I hate this word "but"),he was like "this is all you can come up with.This is not accepteble boss. Just go through the documents until you find the root cause and solution of this".I was mind****ed.
When Feeling dejected, one thing always calms you and that is the girl you like.
Talking about this girl , I used to love this girl more than myself . But when she came to know about my feelings, she stopped talking to me, leaving me nowhere.
When I stopped talking with her (I still had feelings but again had to sacrify, because she didn't want to see me),one fine day , she pinged me and said we can still be friends if I make some changes.
That day onwards, I saw her just as a friend.I suppressed all my feelings.(these feelings used to arise everynight but during office hours I control my emotions).
We resumed our talks again. Thank God. I'm more than happy to be her friend,at least.
1 thing which I regret badly, however,is that I cant interest her as much as her other friends do.This is the story so far.
Anyway.... I felt dejected after my TL scolded me rather than appreciating my efforts to resolve a query by some psycho user.
I went near canteen to catch a glimpse of my girl.There he was. My Sautan.I hate it when he touches her.
My already red mood became chilly now.
It was not enough. She just saw me peeping into her and didn't even hi'd to me.Here onwards i kept on thinking what she might me thinking about me.How retardish I was to look at her so directly ?
And that sautan of me,what does she like about him,even when he doesn't like her. He is a chalu kind of person.
So many things running in my mind.
Some ideas about yoga kept coming in between as I thought I have no future in professional life and shouldn't ask for anything. Rather should be happy with what I have.Means with almost nothing except a sweet family.After Yoga, Kapal Bharti followed.
I kept wondering why only me in the middle of so much sufferings when there are so many people in my office.What's wrong with this world ? What's wrong with my TL? What's wrong with that sautan? What's wrong with my girl? Or rather What's wrong with me ?
Is it ? Should I take responsibility here for feeling so bad for not having cool friends,cool boss and hot girl in y life ?
Had to sacrifice my lunch because I was already late for office by half an hour. A lunch at that time would make me late my 1 and a half hour.
Finally I came to my cubicle, my teammates could hear my heartbeats as I was practically running to reach office.
As soon as I switched on my PC,my Team Leader (so called TL as I believe he has no leadership skills) greeted me saying," Boss, aaj phir late ho gaye".
Anyway it doesn't hurt me anymore as I'm used to getting such teasings from teammates( Being a fresher . ).
I looked for excuses and just blurted out, train was late.
He became red as if he himself is paying to me and coming 30 minutes late would lose him some billions.
He bossed around for some minutes and loaded me with plenty of calls which he knew I wouldn't be able to solve.
After some 15 minutes, he went to canteen saying I need an update on this before I return.
I had plans to chat with 4 of my lovely friends on gmail but I had to sacrifice, as always.
I focussed some more on investigating the issues at hand so that I can get some relief from TL.
And I did find out a clue and I was like I have climbed up the K2.
I presented my findings as soon as he returned.hoping my good time will start soon.
But (I hate this word "but"),he was like "this is all you can come up with.This is not accepteble boss. Just go through the documents until you find the root cause and solution of this".I was mind****ed.
When Feeling dejected, one thing always calms you and that is the girl you like.
Talking about this girl , I used to love this girl more than myself . But when she came to know about my feelings, she stopped talking to me, leaving me nowhere.
When I stopped talking with her (I still had feelings but again had to sacrify, because she didn't want to see me),one fine day , she pinged me and said we can still be friends if I make some changes.
That day onwards, I saw her just as a friend.I suppressed all my feelings.(these feelings used to arise everynight but during office hours I control my emotions).
We resumed our talks again. Thank God. I'm more than happy to be her friend,at least.
1 thing which I regret badly, however,is that I cant interest her as much as her other friends do.This is the story so far.
Anyway.... I felt dejected after my TL scolded me rather than appreciating my efforts to resolve a query by some psycho user.
I went near canteen to catch a glimpse of my girl.There he was. My Sautan.I hate it when he touches her.
My already red mood became chilly now.
It was not enough. She just saw me peeping into her and didn't even hi'd to me.Here onwards i kept on thinking what she might me thinking about me.How retardish I was to look at her so directly ?
And that sautan of me,what does she like about him,even when he doesn't like her. He is a chalu kind of person.
So many things running in my mind.
Some ideas about yoga kept coming in between as I thought I have no future in professional life and shouldn't ask for anything. Rather should be happy with what I have.Means with almost nothing except a sweet family.After Yoga, Kapal Bharti followed.
I kept wondering why only me in the middle of so much sufferings when there are so many people in my office.What's wrong with this world ? What's wrong with my TL? What's wrong with that sautan? What's wrong with my girl? Or rather What's wrong with me ?
Is it ? Should I take responsibility here for feeling so bad for not having cool friends,cool boss and hot girl in y life ?
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